Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
id be glad to
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
