Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
