arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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