I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
