If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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