I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pants are for mortals
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
