none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
