mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
