I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
