I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to calm my uterus...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
