Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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