Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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