Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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