Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
