I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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