no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize