He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
