I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
