I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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