I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
