I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
