I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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