Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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