you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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