You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
