i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
