apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's even glitter on my cock...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
