you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
