People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
