we're blogging at a bar
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
