Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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