Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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