Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We are two peas in an std pod
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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