Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
everyone is single if you try hard enough
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
