you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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