i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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