New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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