i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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