is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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