I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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