I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
