Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
