Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
