I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
