I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have fence marks all over my body
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
