and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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