we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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