Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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