once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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