I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
