Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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