1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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