guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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