I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
