he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
