we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
