I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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