Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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