Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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