i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
