I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
