ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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