So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
