I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't turn off my feet"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
