Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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