Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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