remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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