Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
